Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
