K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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