What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
