Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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