I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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