you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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