tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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