I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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