Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
