I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
