for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
