i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
