sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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