You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
