My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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