The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
