Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
