I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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