If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
