you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
