I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you would pick up someone in the library
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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