Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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