Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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