HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
