they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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