It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
