I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
