Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
