There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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