your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
