that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
