Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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