Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
