There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
