All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
