4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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