mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
