What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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