Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
