i think my mom watched the whole time
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
