did you get engaged???
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why didn't you poke me back
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
