God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
