omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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