It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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