Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
