come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
