I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
