I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
