i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
