Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
