I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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