Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
