so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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