you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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